If Only I Could


If only I could stop looking for comparisons
Better, worse, lesser, more.
If only I could stop looking for baselines
Where do my inadequacies fall on the chart?
If only I could avoid looking
For answers in others, their achievements, their strengths
If only I could be sure
That I am not just following another one of my substanceless ideas that will fall conveniently into the pile of failed ideas that were never meant to materialize into any more than an immature thoughts like playing school or doctor or rockstar.
If only I could love my own work
Simply because it is the truth and it is meaningful and documents the desires of my soul, our soul, the being of all of us
If only I knew
What I was willing to invest in return for the development of my gift. What I would sacrifice for a shot at possible success, with the likelihood of failure. What I would become.
What I already Am.
If only I could know I am. Enough.
I think I know. But that power is frightening.

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