Choices

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When I just release – for the love of peace and all things tranquil and serene.

On those occasions when I remember that I am fine where I am.

That my place is right here at this very moment in time, the hands of the world clock placed me here.

When I stop plowing through my world.

Destination in mind, peripheral vision a complete blur.

Missing every scene in my life, as it’s distorted lines fly by me to merge with my past.

Maybe it takes too much work to be here

To stop, to look, to calm the mind of what needs to be done, what deadline looms

So I plow and run and shove and reach, spending each moment involved in something, anything that will sufficiently waste my time, typically a way in which I later look at with regret

Always yearning to feel like I accomplished something, burning for the precious feeling of contentment, of completeness, if I just do one more senseless act I will be whole…

Yet how many accomplishments must come and go. My target always set on my next accomplishment before I have reached the last.

It is not now, nor has it ever been, simply seeking an accomplishment. No, it never has been.

See the vision in my head – the dream – is to reach the destination. To sit with a warm cup of tea and cozy blanket, big socks and a fuzzy sweatshirt.

Soak it all in, the goal reached, the pride, the love, the gratitude to the universe for allowing me to always do more than I think I am capable of.

But there is no rest upon a creaky porch swing, wondering where the free birds roam and what they have seen. No time spent beneath the tree as it whispers it’s stories of harsh winters passed and it’s perfect view of rebirths.

No, because I just keep running on to the next, afraid to stop

Fearful of what I will miss, what I should be, what I should do

So I neglect what I am missing, what I am, and what I am here to do.

And in reaching these goals, I find, I stop reaching for the bigger ones. The ones that will make me feel fulfillment, and I fill my time with senseless, useless pursuits of false happiness.

So today, as I run and rush and hustle, I will do so aware that if I must fly by the beauty this moment provides, it had better be for good. No wasting time with the unimportant, no…it must serve my soul. It must touch my heart, it must call to me like my wolf pack screaming in need in the heat of the night leaving me no choice but to answer.

If it does not, I will be aware. And if I do not listen to my call, whether it be for quiet contemplation or saving the world, I will do so fully aware that I am choosing nonsense above my soul.

Every moment is a choice. Even when we do not like to admit it.

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