The Shell


It was never yours to take from me

Yet I gave it all away

Every last morsel of what was mine

And when resentment sets in and the anger beats with my heart, pulsing flush across my face

Know that it is not you I blame

You could only take what I offered

You stole nothing

But I yearn to have it back

To give you something else instead

Something of myself that you have not had before

But I realize you want the gifts I already gave

And do not appreciate me trying to snatch them back in the dark of night

Or negotiate a trade during the heat of anger

I know these gifts are your only security

But see

Those gifts I gave you

Left me without a shell of protection

I had to create another

But not willing to make the same mistake twice, I keep this one to myself

So I don’t allow you entrance

I can not bring myself to give up the little parts of me that I have found along the way

I add those to the discarded parts that you’ve rejected and hide them away for later

I began to rebuild under this new shell

But as I grow, this new home is suffocating, and irritation is the unfortunate consequence

I place that burden unfairly on you, I know

But I also know that if I break this shell

If I retain what is my whole

If I do not give up anything that causes you discomfort

You will not recognize me anymore

And you will not love what hides under this shell

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