Tag Archives: love

Broken Heart

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The waves of life instantly fall to darkness.

The waters treacherous.

The only question is whether to watch as the waves pound the deck,

Threatening with every drip the imminent sinking that it intends to deliver.

Promising destruction and devastation.

Testing to see if you have the guts to watch or will cower and run for cover.

Either way, the result will be the same.

It’s just how you will go down.

Still fighting and hoping,

Or crying, scrunched up in a ball, water rising inch by inch up a shaking, terrified body.

Watch every wave.

If it is going to sink you, you watch it, and you make it watch you.

Do not fall easily to the ground and cover your wounded face so it can throw blows to your back.

Watch it. Let it see your pain. Let it see your tears.

Allow your tears to warm it’s cold blows to your heart.

No. If you are going down, have your eyes wide open.

And even if you know you have limited time, spend it preparing your survival.

Just in case.

Just in case the sun fights back,

Jamming its way through the darkness, calming the waves.

Just in case.

Just in case the waves remember how much they truly loved carrying you.

How much they would miss the taste of your tears.

Just in case.

Just in case you still want to float along the open sea.

Just in case you find you desperately want to plant your feet back on solid ground.

Just in case you find you have a choice.

Give Me a Bit

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I can not save the world today. I can not save you. I may not be able save me. I can not be all I am, because I am too determined to deny parts of me. Therefore you will not be tolerated. Can not be tolerated. Your cute little quirks will wander around under my skin, digging painful little caves that no amount of scratching or digging at can erase, because my own are still eating away at my flesh from the inside out. I can not provide you with perfect love, cloaking you in the warmth of my deep affection for you. I can not because I have prepared for myself a steel wool head wrap and covered my body in barbed wire fencing. So you will not be well served to approach my door with hope and a smile. You will likely be burned by the anger you find on the door knob. If you are so brave as to enter, you will be greeted with impatience instead of acceptance, annoyance instead of compassion. For this I apologize. It is not you. It is me I am angry with. So if I retreat into my own world, trust I am not there to dig into my sorrows but to try to love them. I am not trying to push you away but to push into myself deeper. There is room for everyone at my home deep within, so I will be headed there right away. Give me a bit to arrive and get comfortable and set a place for you. There, you will be welcome to join me, to show up as you are. I will have no expectations for you, no anger with you, no fear of what you may do to me. I will love you in your entirety. Here is not the place for coffee and conversation. Here is dirty and the air is too thick for comfortable breathing. So give me just a bit to prepare. To be still. To go home. And I will call you when I am ready to receive you. When I am prepared to give of myself the way you deserve for me to show up for you. As I am. In love with me. In love with you.

Moment of Love

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Where the earth meets the eternal home

Where my prayer meets its answer

Where my dark meets its light

That is where I reside

Yet I frequently miss it

Passing it by for something far less magnificent

Ignoring it for nonsense that creates a future that differs from my hopes

So this moment

I will sit in the feeling of my intention

I intend to be love

And this moment

And this moment

And every moment that I can set my intention I will

I will release my prayers

My love

My hopes

My needs

And I intent to go into more moments with conscious intention

And so this moment –  I am love.

And this moment

And this moment

Taking Home Those Pretty Ones

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photo 1There is no place on earth I would rather be than beside the water. There is no sickness of the heart that I have not found the beach to be the medicine for. Looking out upon the water is my heaven. As the sun falls, dropping pieces of it’s sparkling heart amongst the low waves, I am drawn into a state of amazement. There is nothing so beautiful as the joining of the two, welcoming the next phase of the day…the most perfect transition the earth has ever experienced.

I sit and let the water wash from me all that does not serve me. Even though I sit amongst my children, I find perfect calm. I fall into silence. I find myself only saying what is necessary, what serves a purpose, nothing more. I let the waves take away my pain and splash peace back into my soul. They know what their purpose is without being told. They just grace me healing, with love, because I need it, and it is there to serve me. What it needs from me is to leave it’s presence better than I came, to depart so full of appreciation and love and hope that I can not help but share it with the world. It’s only job to heal. When I am one with the water I can not help but feel pure power and connectedness. I am but a drop in the wave in the water that makes up this world. I am but a drop, but I am a drop. The waters of the world would be incomplete without that drop, so I am that world. I am one with everything. That is what the beach offers me.

So I explore the floor of the ocean just below the tide. The simplest of stones, with their constant blessings of the waves, open their pages to share every line of their story. Everything they have seen is displayed in their wet brilliance. Every color, every damage spot, every smoothed lustrous curve wet and enhanced by the water. Water does that. It clarifies, it takes out all that is dull and exposes it for what it truly is. It makes the light appear as the magic it is, and the dark appear equally as much. There is no judgment, no wrong or right, just what is…perfectly and untarnished.

I take them home, those pretty ones. I choose the ones who call me, who want me to know them. Who desire to let me feel them and share their experiences. They, so much older and wiser than me, carry an overwhelming energy. Their strength weighs me down, grounds me in the purest way. I take home so many.

When I see them dry, they lack their luster. All those brilliant colors are but shades of grey. I love them as they are. I considered taking them back. Was I doing their beauty a disservice by keeping them from their water? Keeping them from their home where every bit of their beauty shows? I wondered this. Then I realized…I still love them. I do not need to see them in their physical brilliance to know their true magnificence. That is what they were teaching me. To love them. To know what their beauty looks like even when I can not see it with my eyes. To see their beauty with my heart. And to trust that the beauty is within everything. In every person. And to see it in me.